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As long as I can remember, (wait, that’s not true, but at least since elementary school) I’ve been uncomfortable with what I felt to be threats. People who misunderstood or held a grudge or for some reason disapproved of me … rather than blowing that off, letting them be who they are, I’ve sought them out, confronted “the issue”, whatever it was, head on. In relationships, this confrontational approach was modeled for me as “being straight,” maintaining open communication, a strength. And whatever positive outcomes may accrue through this behavioral tendency, I now see the root – it’s fear. Fear that, unless this issue is cleaned up between us, it will (or the other person will) come back to get me, to harm me in some way. This fear has made me tenacious in trying to root out any misunderstanding and has enabled me to clean up many a minor issue, but it has also kept me hyper-vigilant, unable to throw in the towel when another person has different values than I have, or when their understanding of the world is very different than mine, or when they are simply grumpy people. I’ve pushed and confronted and made things worse, either by concluding a shallow peace between us or by driving the other away. I’ve been emotionally hooked when I’ve been unsuccessful in resolving the issue, unable to let relationships go. Fear that masquerades as strength. I’m sick of it. There is a scene in the movie “V for Vendetta” where Evie, the protagonist has, after much tribulation, faces her fear fully. Given the choice to betray another or face a firing squad, she calmly replies “Thank you, but I’d rather die behind the chemical sheds” and then is (surprisingly) released. In this matter, I want to be Evie. To live more freely, investing in relationships that bring life, loving others graciously and generously and allowing them to be who they are, allowing them to work through their stuff, if they do, on their timeline and not mine and misunderstanding me or disliking me if they so choose.  In this matter, I want to be brave, not brash.